im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
