I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
