'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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