So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
