Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
