He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
