Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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