just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
