Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
