even my farts smell like vagina
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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