Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
