Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
