I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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