do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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