After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
