apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Come on in and take your pants off
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