I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
