Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
