Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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