alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Small penises have feelings too.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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