What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
