Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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