Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
