Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
