I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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