Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
