Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
