Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
