she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
