So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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