before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
