I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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