The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
