Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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