He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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