I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
