just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
