his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
