White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
