Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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