I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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