I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need a beard to bite.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
