I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
