just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
