i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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