the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
