Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
