Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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