wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
