I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
