Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
