I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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